Madman national Skit feedback

[p0rtalman]

I though i would post the script for my madman national entry and see what people think.
Its taken pretty much straight from the scene were Hughes is MC'ing Ed and mustang's fight at the end of S1. (with some small changes)

"Lady’s and gentlemen!!!!!! Welcome to Melbourne’s supernova pop culture convention! A guarantied break from the daily grind.
Incidentally, take a look!
Pic of alesia comes up on screen
Pause
My daughter, who turned 3 this year!... Isn’t she adorable!!!"

So, what do you think? any suggestions? its coming in at just under 20 seconds atm, which seems a little short, but fans of FMA should love it.

I'm hoping to do a live demo for everyone at next weeks meeting ;D

[kuraikishi]

hehehe as a FMA fan i really love it plus if its short, simple and to the point then people will remember it better than the long boring ones

[edelric]

awsome