how can I talk to otaku girls?

[tbonetony]

Hi there.

I have been having trouble with trying to talk to otaku girls and I have had my confidence knocked because of bad luck situations.

I have been able to talk to otaku girls in online life really well, but trying to talk to the local otaku girls in my area has been a bit of a mixed bag.

One of them I used to see her and her friends allot last year, but that was because she was still in high school and she and her friends used to hang out around near the local anime and comic store where I usually go to in my home town.

Now, this year she started university and suddenly all the other otaku girls I have had trouble trying to cross paths with them.

It is like they are not around the anime and comic store where they used to be last year.

Last year I was lucky enough to share mobile numbers with them, but somehow one of them had lost her mobile and the main otaku girl who organized the group suddenly said to me late last year that her phone was only meant to be for just her family and none of them ever contacts me anymore.

Not even on DA where it is much more easier to contact me in their own time.

I sometimes wonder if I did something wrong or if it is because of the age difference between me and them.

They have told me that they still consider me as a friend and that the age difference between me and the group is nothing to worry about as I am only friends with them.

Well the main otaku girl, she went to university this year in my local town and and it was hard for me to catch up with her, but when I did cross paths with her we chatted allot until she had to take the bus so I only was able to catch up with her only in brief periods compared to what I was lucky enough to do with her last year.


And now, she has got a job and I was lucky enough to walk into the cafe where she works, I often tried to make time to come in when she is either taking a short break an hour after lunch, or even at a time when I thought she would be near closing time, only to find her still busy and she has told me that she can't chat to me as much as she wanted and she told me on DA that it would be best if I don't come into the cafe anymore.


She also mentions that she only wants family members or even close friends to come into the cafe, so I am not trying to take it to heart but I felt that maybe she does not consider me a friend on the similar level that I wanted to be.

Considering she is now dateable, but it is harder to contact or communicate with now, I sometimes feel like it is just almost impossible for me to meet otaku girls.

when it is convenient, it seems like they are a bit on the too young side.

and when they get old enough to have a chance to become closer friends, I feel like they may push me away because of their jobs and other busy parts of their lives.

I have university too, and I have to travel 2 hours to Ballarat where my university is compared to the university that the otaku girl went to in my local town.

But even then I do my best to make the time to catch up with them, but I feel that no matter how hard I try they are either just too busy to contact me online or too busy just to send a simple text message to me.


So that is why I sometimes ask myself am I doing something wrong, or is it because what I really want with those otaku girls might be percived as something more than just friends and are some of the otaku girls pushing me away if they don't want to be friends with me anymore?

I just would like to chat with an otaku girl to see how could I become a better friend and could I somehow get more confident when I do meet otaku girls someday.

[rainsongphoenix]

Hmmmmm.....

All I can suggest is, if you want to meet 'otaku girls' - try and get to the BAKA club meets (although I'm not sure how the numbers are at the moment), and just keep getting to conventions - Manifest will be a good one. For the "am I doing something wrong?' part - hey, I can't help much there, as this is Internet land and what-not....I have made many wonderful friends thanks to the Baka club - so give it a whorl.

[elysium]

It sounds like you're coming across as a tad forceful to me.
Things like "I often tried to make time to come in when she is either taking a short break an hour after lunch, or [...] near closing time" are cute if you're dating but can come off as annoying if you're not and it would give her the impression that you want to be more than just friends.
Besides, it's way easier to get a phone number and gauge whether or not someone is interested in you if they're not on a break and you can say "Let's finish this conversation over a coffee sometime" when they have to get back to work.

Considering that these girls were in high school last year which makes them ~18 or 19(?) and you're 28(iirc?) yourself I think you're just trying to mingle too closely with people who are (no offence intended) way above that comfortable age difference.

If you are looking for a relationship I wouldn't dwell too much on the 'otaku girls' stereotype as everyone is different and nobody likes being defined solely on a single personal interest.

Jun 16, 2012 17:29:52 GMT 10 tbonetony said:

I only was able to catch up with her only in brief periods compared to what I was lucky enough to do with her last year.
...
she has got a job and I was lucky enough to walk into the cafe where she works

Next time you're having trouble speaking to them in real life remind yourself that she is just as lucky to get to speak to you as well.

Have you tried online 'dating' sites before? They're a pretty decent way to meet new people.

[tbonetony]

Jun 17, 2012 22:05:12 GMT 10 elysium said:

It sounds like you're coming across as a tad forceful to me.


Have you tried online 'dating' sites before? They're a pretty decent way to meet new people.

Thank you for your comment.

and yes, I did feel like sometimes I was being too forceful, also don't get me wrong, I just wanted to be friends with her and get to know her more.

I was not up to the point of dating her. But I know what you meant.

It is that I just feel like I really needed to meet new girls and just wondering if the one I already knew if there was any chance to catch up with her and even ask her if I had any chance if it were not for my age difference with her, but I would not have asked that unless if I could tell her at the right time and right place, but certainly not at the cafe where she worked.

plus she was kind enough to chat with me every time we crossed paths in town, so I did feel like I might have had a good friendship but now I just didn't know at the time of writing this post.

I have said sorry if I was being annoying to her and have not heard her reply yet.

also last year when I was online on facebook I did try a few dating sites that were advertised, but they never allowed me to view people who looked at my profile because I would not hand over my card numbers and I felt like the site was trying to get payment from me just for a dating site, and I don't like exchanging money on the internet unless if it was for online shopping only.

plus there was no text box to fill in your interests...so I just gave up on dating sites when I tried it last year


thanks for the comments,

[tbonetony]

Jun 16, 2012 18:39:56 GMT 10 rainsongphoenix said:

Hmmmmm.....

All I can suggest is, if you want to meet 'otaku girls' - try and get to the BAKA club meets (although I'm not sure how the numbers are at the moment), and just keep getting to conventions - Manifest will be a good one. For the "am I doing something wrong?' part - hey, I can't help much there, as this is Internet land and what-not....I have made many wonderful friends thanks to the Baka club - so give it a whorl.

I will like to meet others at the Baka club,

I have also had experience with online friendships but all the girls I got allong well with online are all in countries like America and Canada, so of course unless if I get a job in making videogames over there, I can't even go the next step with girls who I know online.

and that is what has annoyed me the most, the otaku girls I know online are perfect in interests and age area being closer to mine but they are on the other side of the world, and the otaku girls I know who are closer to home are hard to catch up with in town as well as being in their late teens and may feel like I am too old for anything other than just a friendship.

I have had massive girl troubles since I was in school with girls not wanting to listen to what I like to talk about because they would tell me that I like those boring kids cartoons and they were not into it.

Or that they already had boyfriends...even when I found out some of them didn't.

so...I kinda gave up on trying to date any girls and tried my best to find girls who more like anime or otaku culture.

I get allong well with girls who like anime and Japanese videogames as I don't have to pretend to be someone that I am not just to have conversations with them.

[rainsongphoenix]

uhuh....

eh, I used to be concerned about keeping my interests about Japanese culture - anime, manga, martial arts etc to myself, unless people were interested enough to want to talk to me about it (this was back in highschool..). But eventually I got over it, and thought, so what if I like anime and stuff - if people are going to judge me based on that, then there's something wrong with them.

I'm just gonna add this, but thanks to certain people *cough* you know who you are *cough* for labeling me as "BAKA's most deadly", I can't even pick up a broom without people recoiling in fear... ah well -_-

so yeah - don't get so hung up on the whole "otaku" thing. Not everybody who likes anime and such is an "otaku" - I think that term is a little over-used of late....

[borgieman]

I really shouldn't throw my two cents into this thread but I would like to say something constructive for a bro.

1. Be the better man, I realized this after completing Katawa Shoujo five times. If stuff gets worse don't do anything regrettable.
2. To the dude who suggested an online dating site, I strongly suggest AGAINST that. If you do need to do some kind of dating, do it where the internet is in no way involved. Here's two perfectly good reasons why.

2a.
2b. gizmodo.com/5833787/my-brief-okcupid-affair-with-a-world-champion-magic-the-gathering-player Read this link, if you do find some friend over the net high chances you will end up hurt.

3. I'm as passionate about anime, manga, gaming etc. as you but that doesn't mean I can reach out to other interests as long as they are willing to do the same. Who knows? But it's worth a shot.
4. All else fails, hang with your bros. Then again that's all I do

I hope that helps, typically I'm no good with giving people advice like this but I do have good intentions. Good luck, bro.

[tbonetony]

Jun 18, 2012 18:43:43 GMT 10 borgieman said:

I really shouldn't throw my two cents into this thread but I would like to say something constructive for a bro.

1. Be the better man, I realized this after completing Katawa Shoujo five times. If stuff gets worse don't do anything regrettable.
2. To the dude who suggested an online dating site, I strongly suggest AGAINST that. If you do need to do some kind of dating, do it where the internet is in no way involved.

3. I'm as passionate about anime, manga, gaming etc. as you but that doesn't mean I can reach out to other interests as long as they are willing to do the same. Who knows? But it's worth a shot.
4. All else fails, hang with your bros. Then again that's all I do

I hope that helps, typically I'm no good with giving people advice like this but I do have good intentions. Good luck, bro.

thanks man

I try my best to be a better man no matter what situation it is, and never do anything too reckless. Just be honest and polite.

I NEVER DO online dating, tried it last year when I got desperate but never found how to use it because of sites wanting me to give them my card numbers, so I never went ahead with it.

However online friends are better because at least I meet them on fanfiction sites and DA and even forums like this because of our interests.
However because of my luck all the girls I did get along well with in the past and even now all live in America and Canada, and I know perfectly well from experience that unless if I I am lucky enough to work over there I will never be anything more than friends with them. At least Webcam helps so you can know if they are genuine in their looks and gender.

I have got other friends with many other interests, however when I do mention about anime I have been put off emotionally when some of them have said things like "Anime is only for kids" and "I find anime girls to be too slutty" and things like that.

One person from university when every time I said about anime, he keeps on talking about Japan as if they were still back in WW2 and how they treated prisioners of war in that time. So I kinda avoid the anime topic...

It is just bad experiences like that makes me feel like unless if I get to know a girl who does understand and even have something of interest in anime I feel a little more confident in being myself.

As for hang with my bros, I do have a few otaku male friends too, in fact my younger bro in law is a massive shonen fan with his 2 fav anime being Naruto and Bleach and his fav Manga being Reborn. So I was lucky to have him as my bro in law after he married my little sister.

So I can talk otaku talk to a few people. It is just some who I really want to talk to more are always hard to get in touch with.
But I can understand what you mean by that.

[tbonetony]

Jun 18, 2012 11:58:25 GMT 10 rainsongphoenix said:

uhuh....

so yeah - don't get so hung up on the whole "otaku" thing. Not everybody who likes anime and such is an "otaku" - I think that term is a little over-used of late....

I guess it depends on the background that you come from.
When I was young, I felt nobody would ever like the things I like.
That was what I felt all though my school years.

Even my parents would often say that I would eventually grow out of playing videogames and watching ''kids cartoons'' as that is what they thought about all of the things from Japan...

It was not until I found the internet during early last decade where I found out the other side of anime that was kept hidden from me all this time, and I guess I started to call myself an otaku when I got familiar with the term.

I know that not everyone calls themselves an otaku when they are into anime, but I also started off like that too but I just wanted to call myself something that resembled what my interest was and otaku came to mind as the best way to describe it.

sorry if I ever offended you by self declaring myself an otaku.

also I don't have to get to know otaku girls, I like to get to know girls who are familiar with anime, manga and Japanese videogames.

It is just that if I felt they had some of those otaku traits, I would feel more comfortable of being myself.

that is all.

[rainsongphoenix]

Jun 19, 2012 0:25:04 GMT 10 tbonetony said:

Jun 18, 2012 11:58:25 GMT 10 rainsongphoenix said:

uhuh....

so yeah - don't get so hung up on the whole "otaku" thing. Not everybody who likes anime and such is an "otaku" - I think that term is a little over-used of late....

I guess it depends on the background that you come from.



sorry if I ever offended you by self declaring myself an otaku.

You have no idea about my background.

And also - I don't care if you call yourself an otaku; all I'm saying is that that term is just over-used of late, and besides, labeling everyone "otaku" who happens to like anime and stuff is a bit much. Over here (Japan) the term otaku has some negative connotations associated with it, social and what-not....


sigh, as for everything else - I dunno.... Try going to Armageddon - it's a good convention with a bit of everything. There's bound to be plenty of "otaku" girls you can make friends with..

それ以上言うことはない.

[tbonetony]

Jun 19, 2012 18:18:48 GMT 10 rainsongphoenix said:

You have no idea about my background.

And also - I don't care if you call yourself an otaku; all I'm saying is that that term is just over-used of late, and besides, labeling everyone "otaku" who happens to like anime and stuff is a bit much. Over here (Japan) the term otaku has some negative connotations associated with it, social and what-not....


sigh, as for everything else - I dunno.... Try going to Armageddon - it's a good convention with a bit of everything. There's bound to be plenty of "otaku" girls you can make friends with..

それ以上言うことはない.

Sorry if you took it the wrong way, I was talking about my background.

Sorry if you took it the wrong way and I am sorry that I didn't realize that you came from Japan.

Yes, I am aware that the word Otaku does have negative connotations, even in western society the word Geek and even Nerd still have negative connotations to those who less understand it.

But I am not going to be calling anyone else otaku, just myself.

I have copped worse in my life. So please understand I mean no harm,

I know about the Miyazaki murders of 1989 and the 2008 massacre at Akihabara.

But you just have to understand, the whole otaku hating thing is more motivated by the media in Japan from people who wanted to label the whole group of otaku as a negative image to others outside of the understanding of the subculture.

Even in America, after the Columbine high school massacres most media blamed it on violent videogames and now after more than 10 years you still have people in western society thinking that gamers are mass murderes playing murder simulators.

I have heard it all from online news as well as from people I know face to face in real life, but I am not one to stop calling myself a gamer or an otaku. Even if it means that I may not have a girlfriend at all in my life.

In recent years, people as in society are slowly getting to understand about different cultures and genders and sexualities. There will still be those who are the haters, but it is their loss because judging other people means that you lose the ability to understand people other than yourself.

I have felt pain of being called many things in my life, but I forgive them but I move on and never trust many people.

So please, I mean you no harm. I just want to call myself an otaku...and if anyone else feels ok to call themselves otaku they can let me know if they are ok with it. Other than that...we must all look after eachother whether we call ourselves otaku or if we are just normal anime fans.