Make a wish and have it horribly corrupted

[borgieman]

Granted but you become a scaly man fish not unlike Old Gregg of Mighty Boosh fame.

I wish for more Manifest money.

[Machine Man]

Granted but you fall into a coma and it getrs used up reviving you

I wish I could profile people

[rainsongphoenix]

Granted, but you get the profiles wrong every time.

I wish I could speak several different languages

[borgieman]

Granted but you offend people and they end up running you out of their towns with torches and pitchforks!

I wish I could enslave humanity.

[Amon]

Granted, until someone like me starts a revolt against you and we fight on top of a burning skyscraper resulting in your death.

I wish I could have complete control over time.

[borgieman]

Granted but you cause a time paradox where unicorns are known to exist and Michael Jackson was still alive and black!

I wish it was next week.

[rainsongphoenix]

Granted, but you end up a week behind on all your uni work.

I wish I was better at writing reports...

[Amon]

Granted, but you can never write about the topic you need to.

[rainsongphoenix]

^ You don't have a wish?

I wish I could cook better...

[Amon]

You can, but you can never get the balance of salt right.

[Amon]

I wish I was a hero in an anime series about me.

[borgieman]

Granted but there's an unpleasant twist in the middle of your series.

I wish for some instant macaroni and cheese.

[Amon]

Granted, but it tastes like cardboard.

[rainsongphoenix]

I wish I was good at everything...

[Amon]

Granted, but you die. :3

I wish I had two dicks.